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Abduction Victim Unimpressed by UFO Interior


SOMEWHERE OVER CHICAGO - An abductee expressed disappointment in the aesthetics of the flying disc that beamed her up over the weekend, citing the interior being “pretty basic” and “more like a Windows store than an Apple store.” Savannah Stevens, who preferred not to disclose which area of town she lives in, said that the craft beamed her up while she was on a walk Saturday afternoon. While at first she was frightened, she became curious. “I said to myself, ‘Well, this isn’t good.’ But then my mind immediately went to, ‘But hey, at least I’m going to get to see what this hyper-advanced technology is all about.’” Stevens described the interior as “a little cramped for an interstellar journey” and likened it to “a Tesla knock-off but with no screens and fewer buttons.” Overall, she added, she would skip getting beamed up by aliens if she could do it all over again and had any choice in the matter. “I’m going with zero out of five stars, would not recommend,” she said. “That’s probably influenced more by the embarrassingly thorough experiments the beings performed on me, but the inside of the ship also wasn’t very interesting.”

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