top of page

Extraterrestrial Being Spotted in Fairview

FAIRVIEW, ORE. - Residents of Fairview were leery but ultimately not surprised this week when a flying disc from another galaxy was discovered parked in the area. Upon further investigation, authorities found that an extraterrestrial visitor has decided to establish a forward operating base in the somewhat slower-paced suburb outside of the Portland metro area. “It makes sense. Have you seen real estate prices downtown these days?” said lifelong Portland resident Brian Bouquet. “Can you imagine traveling literal light years, only to arrive at your destination and not be able to afford a basic forward operating base from which you can carry out a full-scale invasion of that planet? Most places don’t even have in-unit laundry these days, and forget about parking for a spaceship, let alone a fleet.” Most residents interviewed for this story declined to comment on the record, but the general consensus was that the extraterrestrial visitors were welcome as long as they consider sparing their immediate neighbors from the coming invasion, and if they don’t run their advanced nuclear-powered probing stations too late at night.


Purchase Portland tickets here!

Comments


bottom of page